An Open Prayer

For how many things should I bow
I will never come to know
A missed opportunity
or saved from disaster
I will only judge
I will never learn

Regretting for what I lost or
Thanking for not being beaten
Will I ever be able to appreciate
The Love with which I get so smitten

My yesterdays managed

My tomorrows planned

My days scheduled

My hours assigned

My all contingencies taken care of

Unprayed prayers answered

Deepest desires met

My worries taken care of

My dreams built somewhere

My eventual already in progress

My haunted past on its way of healing

Still I doubt You

Still I judge You

I bow down to You

With all my might

I try to see You
With all my sight

Still I miss it all

Still I fail to gauge

I come back and regret

I seek forgiveness

And I realize

I already have it

I cannot face such a greatness

My eyes ablaze with Your graciousness
My heart cannot hold Your Love and Care
I get burnt for lack of my sight

My vision

I try and appreciate it all

But I nullify it with my doubts

My uncertainties
My apprehension

I say I trust

I say I have faith

In reality I have only darkness

And I engulf myself into it

I do not come to You

When I should have
When I should have bowed down

I do not

I try

I fidget and I fight

I  realize it is not my domain

I know it may be already

Still I give up on You in me

Not giving up on my ego in me

I fall

I fail

I cry

And then I come to You

Still you accept me

With all Your heart

I am humbled

There in Your arms

I feel wanted

And belonged

And Loved and Cared for

Yet again I come back and search for these
In the material world

I look and look and look

I get disappointed and

Disoriented sometimes

I do and not do to please some earthly being

I seek immortality in the mortals

Wen In Your heart
There is light everywhere

There is Warmth

There is Love and Pleasure and Happiness

There is Content and there is Satisfaction

There is all the things that one needs to survive

There is all the matters that one wants all his life

Failing when I come to You

Dying when I reach You

You rejuvenate me with all of the above

You make me immortal

By accepting me back
By Loving me the way no one could
By making me Love my own self

                            -$hraddha